We didn’t know each other last year this day.
We remain strangers this year too.
A bag full of words were never enough
To fill the lines of my notebook
I need to know the secrets of stifled laughter
The tears that flee at the brush of a hand
The voices that ring with fervour
And the anger that burnt an entire city bare
These words I have lack in flesh and blood
I’d like to discard them, but
Not even the vultures will seek them
I need a device to pump life into them
To drill their reluctant innards
To scoop their filth and fill them with
An overflowing light.
Light that is smoky like ice gone dry
So cold, that they burn a hole
Through the minds that read them.
There is little that survives Time
Long enough to see another day
But with the World so full
The little multiply into fake multitudes
And we believe the order’s never been disturbed
Maybe this was the order- that
Those that die, should die unnoticed
And those that get born
Should never know when to exit with grace
It’s a delusional Time
A morbid World
Battles between you and me
Are the ones I lost
Even before they begun
But I entered the field anyway
And my pride always held my head
My voice rang with determination
Singing in my veins
And I threatened you with
Consequences dire
My words eloquent, I screamed
Like a right wronged
Like a bird caged
Like a life wasted
***
And in such contrived strength
Is my power
I put up my act for me to judge
For me to be convinced; and finally
To believe
And once I have believed this farce
You never stood a chance
You might as well pack your knives
You screamed I didn’t deserve you.
My silence I threw at your face;
You didn’t deserve a reply.
It was a bad dream.
Disrupted stasis,
A whirlwind tousling hair;
And underneath a neon glare
She cast shadows around.
Yet they weren’t hers…
Then, the nooses slithered unto her,
Tying knots so intimate.
She prayed for power;
For deliverance.
And heeded, her prayers bestowed
Gargantuan scissors
In place of her feeble hands.
They ate away at the folds
Each knot followed,
Famishing her; satiating the
Hands so giant.
Lighter than ever, she felt
Lesser knots tying her down
To this earthly presence
Of undecided end.
To the remaining knots
She screamed,
‘You shall be undone too…
I shall taste freedom,
I shall die’
My lips mouthed words of love
Guilt and shame washed over me
I imagined your face and
It wore a cruel smirk
You wondered why I would imagine such
I wondered too
******
Did I ascribe a face to what I
Thought of myself?
Was I a coward who would
Rather be scorned by you than
By myself?
Should I be sorry? Or should I be thickskinned?
Should I move on or should I stay put?