Tag Archives: Relief

Thirty Going On Infinite

There are eight months before I bid goodbye

To just the second decade of my life

Yet, I feel infinitely old

Weighed down by an invisible hand on my heart

I struggle to sense authenticity in

Anything I feel now

I feel like a fake particularly when I laugh

I fear the tightening around my throat

When I struggle to let loose the words

That crowd within me

And when I do manage to say something

The release brings me no relief

Instead, I find I dislike the sound of myself

And the grass seems greener when I don’t utter a word


I now know that most people don’t listen

They only talk, often without listening to themselves either

And there are a few, like me, who are born

To just listen and offer no comment

To just speak when spoken to

To just breathe until I don’t have to




You have come

For the amount of time you take in arriving,

For the amount of pineapples, papayas and heat I feed you

For the number of days I remain bloated and in pain,

You have neither mercy nor courtesy.

You’ve come today, unannounced.

As always.

To shock me in colours red

And odours vile.